Monday, February 8, 2010

I do not beg

I do not beg for you to answer
I do not expect my pleadings fulfilled
I do not press for you to prove yourself
I do not desire the childish rush
Of emotional connections,
Rooted in infatuation, delivering
An adolescent pseudo-spiritual climax

I am tired of the stories
Of what is supposed to be
As I seek
Follow, listen, and wait
It does not ring true
It never has

But the fear of exclusion,
Hovering failure
Long caused me to
Mimic the words,
And teach the expectations to others
Possibly damning them to
An unending state of guilt,
Confusion and fear
Terrorized from within
That they are the only ones
Who do not have a “relationship” with you

Like the songs that
Fill our Sunday mornings,
Or other scheduled times,
If we are really trendy
We read the texts that crowd
The Christian bookstore,
With terrible beginnings
And overwhelmingly
Victorious denouements

I’d be better served to
Keep quiet
To know contentment
Being satisfied with
What has been entrusted to me,
And then to wait and listen--
No, to actually clear my
Schedule and mind
And wait--
Not to see if God shows up
But to discover
If I can discover
What has always been


  1. this brought tears. it is where I am today too.

  2. Jim, you have a whole other side that I'm pleased you are showing to us. A lot to ponder in this one. I like its rhythm and those last lines especially.

  3. Some profound thoughts here, my friend. And now they're ours, too.

  4. You're speaking to me this morning, Jim! The Christian industry has let me down in my multiple hours of need. I am finding contentment in the waiting.

  5. "Texts that crowd the Christian bookstores..." or the Christian websites and blogs and all of the other places where we set up our ghettoes.

    Good reminder, Jim.

  6. you do have a way with words ... thank you

  7. Wow, this ties in so well with Kelly's and Glynn's recent posts, which together triggered yesterday's daily poem at my blog ... I think I'll add this link to the mix, since it enriches that circle of thoughts so well. I'm glad to have found your blog!

  8. "discover what has always been"
    There is comfort in these lines.

  9. super heavy to read, but also so true of how we all feel at times i think.