Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Y're Out!

Porter was a mean somabitch. Old-timers said he made Cobb look like a choirboy. Put two in the hospital, one ‘bout died. Suspensions, Anger Management, 12 Steps, maybe he got religion. Commissioner said, “Last chance!”

Vegas had a line on how long he’d survive. Late August, he’s flirting with 400. It’s baseball, the world of redemption and miracles.

Blazing, sweaty afternoon. He’s up in the eighth, one for three. Swings early at first and low at the next. Ump calls third strike and is ravaged by a flailing bat. Benches freeze. Cops wrestle Porter off the field…for the last time.

extra info:
My micro-fiction (short, short story) placed 3rd in the Cascadia Weekly 2019 contest (March 6, 2019 edition). For details and more stories follow this link: Cascadia Weekly Fiction 101

Saturday, March 2, 2019

Worry No More

I’m turning 65 in a few, too short days.
Another of those seeming inevitable happenings,
a lesson in the passing of time,
the stages of life,
and, oh yes,
a reminder of my begrudging lack of control.

I stand at the intersection of, “I don’t want to die”
and the certainty that, “I don’t want to live forever.”
You know, trying to choose between my fears of pain
or that dwindling “quality of life” business.

One thing I ask. And I hope it’s not too much.
If there is any possibility,
please, don’t let death have its way
while in the midst of this political sewer.
I mean I’ve got kids and grandkids.
And I’d like to think I could have the peace
of leaving them in a better place,
with a whisper of hope,
when I say that last goodbye
and cross over to that place
where I hope to worry no more.

February 2019

Read at SpeakEasy 23 - March 2, 2019

Saturday, December 8, 2018

2018 in the rear view mirror

Books, movies, podcasts and music challenge, teach, encourage, enrich and refresh my daily life. Following is my attempt to note those that made a difference for me in 2018. Lists are not is priority order.

BOOKS I read by the fireplace in the living room, in bed for a few minutes before falling asleep, at coffee shops, while waiting for appointments and on summer camping trips (maybe my favorite reading setting). Here are 12 that found a way to dig deeper into my skin, psyche and soul. Included is a one-sentence (and hopefully not an extreme run-on) commentary for each title. You follow my reading via Goodreads:

Southernmost by Silas House

Southernmost - Silas House. I’m a sucker for a story that breathes the 
There There by Tommy Orangespiritual/faith/life journey from law to grace. 

There There - Tommy Orange. Native Americans on a “I can hardly breathe” quest driven by love, history, family, fear, rage and hope through urban chaos toward an unspeakable conclusion. (NYT Top 10 & Library Journal Best Books of 2018)

Hey, Kiddo by Jarrett J. Krosoczka

Hey, Kiddo - Jarrett Krosoczka. A graphic memoir reflecting on a childhood journey through emotional and physical land mines with the support of (quirky) grandparents toward a (much) better life.
The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton

Sun Does Shine: How I found Life and Freedom on Death Row – Anthony Ray Hinton. A true story (that shouldn’t need to be true) of wrongful conviction, our brutally flawed justice system and gracious, tenacious perseverance to overcome.

      So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

      So You Want To Talk About Race – Ijeoma Oluo. I have a lot to learn and this book is an amazing teacher.

      Not That Bad by Roxane Gay
      Not That Bad: Dispatches From Rape Culture - Roxanne Gay. First person essays that bleed and pulse raw reality through stories often hidden, avoided and ignored. 

      Educated by Tara Westover

        Educated – Tara Westover. A story of growing up in a family dominated by religious excess, reactive paranoia and cultural escape to finding herself and her place in the greater world. (NYT Top 10)
        The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks

        The Wife Between Us – Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen. Go ahead, read this book and message me every time you have it figured out…and then, let me know when you are finished.

        Hang Time by Elgin Baylor

        Hang Time: My Life in Basketball - Elgin Baylor. I knew Baylor was a great player, but I didn’t know much of his life both within and beyond the game.

        Disrupting Poverty by Kathleen M. Budge

        Disrupting Poverty: Five Powerful Classroom Practices – Kathleen Budge and William Parrett. “I love this book, it affirms my prejudices.” I have used that line as a half joke for years, no joke this time. (okay, that’s two sentences)
        American Like Me by America Ferrera

        American Like Me: Reflections on Life Between Cultures – American Ferrera. 31 essays explore the questions of the day, “Who is American?” “What does it mean to be an American?” and much more.
        Dear Girl, by Amy Krouse Rosenthal

        Dear Girl – Amy Krouse Rosenthal & Paris Rosenthal. A perfect book for our annual camping trip of playing, laughing, sharing, learning and growing with our Granddaughters.


        MOVIES To be honest MoviePass may have enabled me to see more movies in theaters in 2018 than in the past decade. Special thanks to the Pickford Film Center for keeping independent movies thriving in Bellingham

        • Eighth Grade I have worked with young people in some fashion for 40 plus years and this movie bridges the current realities with freshness and life.
        • Won’t You Be My Neighbor – Fred Rogers wasn’t perfect, but he was better than we deserved and this film proves it.
        • First Reformed – I worked much of my life in ministries making this an almost too real view of the struggles of life and systems.
        • Crazy Rich Asians – Fresh, fun, warm and engaging for a great date night with Connie.
        • BlacKKKlansman – Perfect Spike Lee story telling with an unforgettable punch that should be shown to every high school student in America.
        • RBG – Wow, long may she live lead and serve!
        • Three Identical Strangers –Complex and compelling with more questions than answers.
        • Christopher Robin – “Say What You See,” has become our new favorite game while riding in the car with our Granddaughter, Kairi. 
        • The Rider – Bloody, dusty, raw, true, human and transcendent.
        • Hearts Beat Loud – Great father/daughter coming of age story, but, “Who is coming of age?”
        • Juliet Naked – Affirms my hope that life is more about redemption than karma.

        MUSIC I have eclectic interests musically but when it comes to favorites I’m usually found in the Americana, Roots streams with merging of diverse styles. This fusion can be seen by the concerts Connie and I attended this year.
        • Rosanne CashIt was a dream come true for me to hear her, and her multi-talented husband John Leventhal, at the Mount Baker Theater playing a stripped down acoustic set.
        • Bruce Cockburn – We took our sons and daughter-in-laws for a near sacred Schmotzer family memory lane evening.  

        • Mavis StaplesMavis, at 79, took us to church, no it was better than church, well maybe it was what I wish church would be.
        • Taylor SwiftShouldn’t all grandparents take their granddaughters to see Taylor at Century Link? 

        • Lyle LovettWe have cherished memories of seeing Lyle with family and friends over three decades and this, an anniversary weekend and first trip to Chateau St Michelle, did not disappoint.

        • I’m With HerWhen Sara Watkins began collaborating with Sarah Jarosz and Aoife O’Donovan as I’m With Her I knew something special was happening and this concert proved it true, very true.



        Over the years I transitioned from being a runner to jogger, to plodder and now a walker and my current work includes a daily commute. Fortunately podcast have blossomed in the same era.
        • Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me – Amazing cast and quirky trivia combine for my kind of fun!
        • Malcom Gladwell Revisionist History – Looking deeper into little known or rarely remembered events and situations that have continuing importance and value.
        • Disgraceful – True crime stories from the world of rock and roll.
        • NPR Daily Politics – Recapping the politics of the day, if you can take it (if I can take it).
        • The Bible for Normal People – An attempt to explore the Bible with new eyes.
        • Code Switch – Honest, and at times humorous, examination of race and identity.
        • 30 for 30 – Proof that sports is about people and stories more than points and competition.
        • The Axe Files – Conversations that humanize politicians and politics.
        • You Make It Weird – Let’s see, scatological humor leads to stream of conscious conversation ending with honest exploration of perceptions and practices related to God.

        I wish shalom for you all each new year and each new day.

        Wednesday, October 24, 2018

        Reflections on the life and passing of Eugene Peterson

        The passing of Eugene Peterson has hit me hard. Our connections were minimal in the scope of life and mostly long ago, but his influence, his soul and spirit touch, lasts.

        I read A Long Obedience in the early 80's. The book stirred something deep within as I was awakening to life beyond the fundamentalism of my youth. I reached out via his publisher and he answered. A handwritten letter came my way and I was further smitten. More letters and phone calls led to arranging for him to be a summer speaker at the Christian conference center where I worked and lived.

        He and Jan, his wife, arrived on a Sunday afternoon in August of 1983. He was driving a motorhome and wearing some sort of jumpsuit (something between garage mechanic and Air Force pilot). The look was quite a change from the only image I had of him in a black and white headshot wearing a clerical collar.

        I spent the week in something of a fan fog. Conversations, his teaching, running, laughing at meals, and being with him.

        Early in the week, Eugene confessed that he had made the mistake of making the conference commitment while forgetting the timing of he and Jan’s 25th Anniversary. It was happening that week. I think Wednesday was the day. He referenced it in a talk in a way that was more self-deprecating than sympathy seeking.

        On the day of the Anniversary we had a cake from a local bakery at the conference dinner and recognized them as best we could. Being a twenty-something Conference staffer I thought (now I think foolishly) they needed something more to mark and celebrate their day.

        So, after the evening session, I arranged for a kidnapping. With the help of some summer staff members, we pulled Eugene and Jan away from the crowd and were off in two camp cars. I was in the first car, maybe a Ford Pinto (?), with the Peterson’s and a second car followed. We wandered town for a time as darkness set in. Eventually, we arrived at a restaurant that overlooked the city and the bay. We had made some arrangements with the management and all seemed to come together well.

        I told Jan and Eugene that we were leaving them. I gave them directions back to the conference center, car keys and a credit card. I was soon out the door.

        The next day Eugene was gracious and we transitioned the keys and the credit card. The only specifics I remember from the conversation was Eugene saying he hoped that the credit card owner didn’t mind paying for alcohol. An indication he understood our setting too well.

        I have wondered if our antics were a fun addition to their truncated celebration or an annoying nuisance. I guess I’ll have to let it rest as a part of the mystique of Eugene Peterson.

        We had occasional connections over the following years. The intensity of knowing him diminished as others helped me along my way. But Eugene Peterson was the just right connection at a time of life need and his influence has permeated in ways I may never realize. For me he was a living example of grace and wisdom. Something we all need and long for. Something to treasure and something to miss, deeply miss.

        Thursday, May 31, 2018

        a deep dark well

        I long for Van Gogh’s eyes.
        To see dusky shadows and
        ever-changing light;
        drifting, bleeding, bouncing,
        bursting, breathing, dancing.

        Until I remember his despair,
        his unending pain. How it burdened
        and, eventually, buried him.
        How he wrote these words
        to Theo, his brother,

        “I am so angry with myself because I cannot do
        what I should like to do…, (it feels) as if
        one were lying bound hand and foot
        at the bottom of a deep dark well,
        utterly helpless."

        Sunday, April 22, 2018

        long enough

        I’ve lived long enough
        to remember long ago
        finding myself left with
        flashes and fragments,
        whispers and scraps
        that spar for dominance
        while being shaped and shared
        to become the story, my story
        in the way I choose
        at the time I choose
        with those I choose
        until I can choose, 
        no more