August 1, 2007

ten years gone
a decade

we were over the mountains at a hotel
waiting to get the kids from camp
I was planning to visit the next week
got the call
you were gone

all the things you don't know

within days, OK a few months
I had a new job and car
Michael moved out
we would have talked, you would have cared

I can't believe you don't know

I imagine you in your family room
sitting in your chair
(it's upstairs in our guest room)
your television and sound system
(big screens and theater sound are the rage,
I know you'd love it)
you'd put in some action movie
tell me "listen to this"
sound would overwhelm the room
it would be impressive

i want to hear you rant about the government
and the unending stupidity of people

I want to play Upwords
just the two of us
you keeping score
for little reason
because you would win
again

i'll take the silence

i don't want to hear the voice of God.
Actual words pushed to earth
by breath from the eternal one.
Vibrating across time and space.
Crawling through the opening of my ear
shaking tiny bones.
connecting membrane
until a message registers in my brain.
I'll take the silence.

I don't want it.
No conversation, monologue or pronouncement.
I doubt i could handle it.
The clarity would overwhelm.
I'll take the silence.

No thanks.
the wondering,
the choosing to believe God is there.
Communicating
but never knowing, for certain, how it works.
I'll take the silence.

8.31.07

beginnings

• i don't think i want to be known as a "blogger".
• the "faithful skeptic" name was a way my friend Paul Petersen referred to me a few years back. seems to fit.
• initially i want to post writings i have done in the past and maybe some new things. not so much blog/journaling. more stuff that flows from the interiors of life.
• not sure how regular i'll post. try for once a week to start.
• who will read this, or want to read this? as if i have clue.